The Final Countdown...

And so it has begun. The wait.


With Brayden the wait lasted over a month. With Brayden the wait had unsuccessful attemps to "speed things up". Ie....castor oil and oj, bouncing up and down on a yoga ball, walking the mall several times for many days, and even sex.


Will it be the same with Aslynn?

I went today for my 35 weeker and GBS swab and because of conintual cramping for over a week, I was checked. I am 2-3 cm dilated. Aguayo gives me two weeks. She said that with Brayden. But I think I more so believe her this time being that this is my second time around.

These cramps, whether they are contractions and just feel like cramps to me or what, are killer.


Just please dear Aslynn come after your brother's birthday. That's all mommy asks.

My Fears

Let me start by saying that ever since that day that I didn't go to the airport the day that my momma left I've never been one to openly share my feelings unless you beat it out of me. I was in therapy for a while and after two therapists, I actually found one that I could talk to and open up to only for her to end up moving away shortly there after. Brad to this day wishes I would open up more, and he is slowly starting to see and understand why it is so hard for me. I in no way blame this on my momma, but it's the point in which it started.


So in a feeble attempt to open up somewhat here is a few of the things that I fear right now. And, no, I'm not talking about a fear of spiders or the dark.


*I'm scared to death about having another child. Hell, my first one isn't even talking or walking and I'm about to bring into this world another?

*I fear that my father has just abandoned his family for a new, more modern model. The last time my father saw Brayden was I believe in March. I think Brad had just had his appendix taken out, I could be wrong but its been since atleast then. Has my father made the effort to come out here and see him? No, he's too busy with his family and going to the country. I was unemployed for over a month before he even found out about that. His only response to finding out that he will have a granddaughter- " we'll if thats what ya'll want" Well, hell its not like we had a choice and picked one out at the grocery store.

*I fear horribly that he won't make it to Brayden's first birthday party. Which I scheduled for after he is to get off work if he has to work. That would be the last straw. Don't feed me a bullshit reason as to why you couldn't make it. Just know that you won't play any larger part in Brayden or Aslynn's lives than the little that you already do.

*I hate the fact that there is a possibility that Aslynn might grow up not really knowing her grandfather simply because his real family doesn't fit into his schedule that he has with his new family.

I know this next one isn't a fear but I need to say it and yea...

It upsets me the most that my own father, the man that helped create me, the man whose father I honored by giving Brayden his middle name, didn't even so much as call me on Mother's Day. Call me petty but don't call me jealous. Why should it be that he can get a card and flowers for her daughter for Mother's Day but I don't get shit. I didn't want a card or flowers. I just wanted acknowledgement that I brought into this world a biological grandson for you.




I guess there was a trend there...what once used to be feelings of hate towards my mother, which no longer exist, are now feelings of hate towards my father.


So what if you are happy, can't you realize that your two daughters, as much as they are their mother, are miserable and really just can't stand your bullshit any more? Just because you've found happiness with another woman doesn't mean that you can just drop your blood just because.

Wordless Wednesday

a year already????

Well almost :)

Birthday woes and sippy cup refusal

I don't dread Tater turning 1. I don't dread the party. I dread 2 things. The mixture of two completely different families who have really only met once or twice and the constant fear that this party will turn out horribly. I know he's just one and he doesn't care yet alone realize whats really going on but I do.

Okay, so I dread 3 things.....I also dread the fact that once Tater turns 1 that means I'm closer to giving birth and dreading the thought that I could be in that 25% that gets PPD again.

It's all so much and I know that God only does what God has planned for you but damn I think he thought that I could handle a little more than I think I can.





Onward to the refusal of the sippy cup(s)....


Tater did great for a while, we were down to three bottles w/formula a day and whenever else he was thirsty he got a sippy cup with juice or water. Well thats gone COMPLETELY out the window.

We've tried just about EVERY sippy cup out there here recently and nada. I've had more sippy cups chucked at me then I ever imagined. I've even tried to put formula into the sippy cups. NOPE NOT GONNA HAVE IT is exactly what he told me while it went flying across the room and hit the dog.

Hopefully this is just a phase because he's got something coming to him if it isn't. After his 1st birthday whether he likes it or not, bye bye bottle.

I'm seriously thinking that since this kid loves to drink out of a straw that I'm going to get him the cups that have the retractable straws and such. He does rather well with those you just have to watch him sometimes when he gets a little too excited.

Ten on Thursday

1) After a week long adjustment to being out of the hopsital I'm finally back to myself and have ALMOST caught up on laundry.

2) I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'm starting to spazz out. I don't even for sure know 100% that its a girl and I'm starting to pray more and more its a boy just for the simple fact that I have clothes and everything for a boy already. I don't have mine or Aslynn's bags packed, hell I don't even have something for the poor child to wear home....yet alone a vehicle that we can all fit in.

3) Hopefully soon that vehicle situation will change...fingers crossed and some serious prayers are resting on that. We've found two cars and if we can indeed sell the mustang that would be better than trading in in our situation.

4) In a week I've lost 3 lbs. In a week I've eaten like a piggy too. I am going to start sucking on lard.

5) My dear sweet boy has been letting me sleep in until 930/10ish almost every morning here this week. God I love him :)

6) I have heartburn from hell right now and have for the past two days.

7) I'm jealous that Monica gets to see the new Indy movie!

8) My cat is watching Tremors 2....its kinda funny.

9) I'm still having issues with Brayden almost being 1.

10) We are back to drinking out of sippy cups again. He went through a phase when he was sick and I was in the hospital that all he wanted was formula out of a bottle. Well now we are back to where we were, almost atleast. He still isn't down on his formula count a day but hey, progress is progress. I'm thinking I don't even want to try and see if he can handle cow's milk. Either way Soy and Milk are roughly the same price. I'm debating on atleast starting the slow slow slow transistion of formula to milk and spanning it out so that by the time he is 1 he will almost completely be off of formula.


I have way to much time on my hands obviously in doing research on soy/rice/almond/cows milk. I think I'll decide what I'm going to do over the weekend and start on Monday if I do do it.

Still baking a pot roast among other things

Tuesday I was scheduled to have my normal 2 week check up just to see how everything was. Aside from the small emotional outburst triggered by lack of sleep, not feeling well, and well honestly tired of being preggo, everything was fine. She was concerned about the fact that I hadn't felt Aslynn move all that much so she sent me right across the street to the hospital for a Non-Stress Test.

Aslynn was doing beautifuly, aside from the high high high heartbeat that at one point was in the 180's. Well needless to say mine wasn't so hot either. The highest mine got was around 145, resting. The nurse, who was there when I delivered Brayden, was concerned with me being sick because " I sounded like crap in the lungs". So she pushed for a chest x-ray, thinking I might have pneumonia. Short story I didn't have it but the started a few rounds of breathing treatments and was scheduled to be on my way home that evening. Good... I missed my Tater.

WELL. My heart rate never really settled but Aslynn's did. Well the Dr decided to admit me over night, continue the breathing treatments and go home the next day.

FASTFORWARD::::

Well Wednesday, I still sound like crap, feel like crap, at some points are shaking, and my HR was still elevated while resting. So she sends me for a CT scan of my chest. Now she thinks I have a blood clot somewhere :(

Well, I don't. But she is still convinced that something is wrong with me that needs to be watched and after telling her that I was basically ignored all day, hadn't been able to keep anything down, not getting a lunch and everything else amongst everything that is still wrong, she keeps me yet another night and start me on fluids and something for the nausea.

I've seen Brayden once since I dropped him off at Toni's house around 11:30 on Tuesday. I'm ready to go home bad.

Well I finally got to go home on Thursday BUT not after an EKG and an EEG.

Conclusion:

3 days in the hospital and I just have a REALLY HORRIBLE REALLY BAD CASE OF BRONCHITIS. Erg.


At one point yes, she did fathom the idea with me of going ahead and taking Aslynn if that was what was going to finally get my heart rate to go down but she decided that she wasn't going to do that.

Oh yea and my heart rate still in the 115's. I go back to see her on Monday so she can check on me and Aslynn and I guess we will go from there.

And nope, I can barely talk. Brad's been joking that this is the best illness ever...Ass! :)

Mother's day and a sick Tater :(

We'll start with the sick Tater. Poor guy wasn't feeling himself at all on Friday. And needless to say as we were out running some errands goopy green stuff started to come out of both eyes. Needless to say, I pick up my phone and call Aunt NiNi. She gets him an appointment and while I'm taking biggins to work she plays mommy and snuggler during his appointment. Poor guy walked out of there with an ear infection in his left ear, pink eye in BOTH eyes and and upper respiratory infection :( Needless to say he was hooked up with some drugs and was still happy enough to continue on with his visit to Aunt NiNi's and Uncle Craig's. BTW I want a Wii so bad!!! That was so much fun playing with Monica.


Mother's Day went well aside from a sickly boy and a still sickly momma. Tater and Brad got me an electric griddle and a spice rack for Mother's Day. I could have killed him for getting me something because I told him that I didn't want anything just a card.




I go to the doctor tomorrow for my two week checkup and I have a feeling I'm not going to have gained any of the weight back. I don't know what is wrong, its just such a task to eat something through out the day. I'm never hungry when I do eat and I know its bad for me and I try to eat and whatnot its just hard. When I went two weeks ago, I had lost all the weight that I had gained minus the roughly 3 pounds that Aslynn weighs. I'm not proud of this because with Brayden I gained nearly 30 pounds. She's not too concerned with it as long as Aslynn is growing but along with the incredible shrinking scale I've noticed an incredible shrinking belly. I think I should also factor in the fact that I don't sleep at night. No position makes me comfy, and I can't get my pelvis to relax. If I finally do get comfy, that whole leg falls asleep and causes pain. I might have to ask for some intervention or something with the whole sleep issue. It really plays onto me during the day while I've got a fully active Tater, esp after Brad leaves for work.

I got approved for PayPerPost!!

After being laid off I finally have had some time to play "catch up" on blogging. One goal in particular in doing so was so that I could get approved for blog ethics. It has taken some time but as of tonight, I am finally able to partake in PPP! To get approved, your blog must be atleast 30 days old and have atleast 10 posts prior to when you sign up for PPP. You also cannot have a gap of more than 30 days between any two posts. I first heard about PPP through a fellow blogger named Drea who did rather well in her blogging. Monica was next to follow suit and then prompted me to get my blog in gear and submit it for approval. I am honestly glad that I did because with the money that I make doing PPP I will be able to save money while I'm not working but I will also be able to spoil my already Rotten Sweet Tater (Brayden) and his sister Aslynn. Who knows, maybe I might even one day treat myself to a little something special with the money I make blogging:) Besides, who honestly couldn't use a little extra here and there? I know that I sure can!

Ten on Tuesday

1) Last night I baby sat my neighbors little boy, Carter. He turned 2 at the end of Jan. Him and Brayden always love playing together. But I saw a glimpse into my future and by the time Kristi got home, I was ready to crash. Oh dear lord both of those boys kept me on my toes! It was easier once Brayden went to sleep but lordy! I did get to see Alvin and the Chipmunks for the first time and I really liked it, I thought it could have ended better but oh well.

2) This is Brad's second day on second shift. Yea its somewhat jacked up our nap routine but as long as Brayden gets to see him its ok. I am enjoying it so far. I haven't been as scared at night as I thought I would be and our landlord keeps a look out for us all in the four units because we are now all female for the most part.

3) This is for Monica! The cavi will come back to you with a brand new battery! It decided to kick the bucket today.

4) I successfully manged to ALMOST make it through this pregnancy without busting my butt. I ruined that yesterday. I slipped in the kitchen and did the preggo splits and landed on my left kneecap. Now factor in the weight of said shamu that fell onto her knee and it caused some pain. I just laid there and cried, and of course it happened while Brad was at work so poor Brayden just looked at me and then he started to cry and ohh. Needless to say I think I managed to bruise the kneecap itself.

5) My bestest friend Amelia graduates from UT College of Nursing on Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) Wow. Brayden will be 11 months old tomorrow. 'nuff said.

7) We need to buy stock in apple farms! With as much apple juice as every member of this family, Tater included, drinks oh lord we'd make a killing!

8) I haven't had a single caffeinated beverage in almost two weeks and I'm starting to have that urge, that desire, that craving to have one. Good thing we are going grocery shopping Saturday!

9) I have started to plan Brayden's first birthday! Oh! Monica I got this neat book with a bunch of different party decorations in the mail the other day and I don't remember signing up for it but hey!

10) I have less than 2 months before Aslynn's impending arrival. As long as it is AFTER June 12th we are honky dory. I still say that June 19th is a perfect day for a baby.

Brayden's sleep habits and so fourth

From around the time that Brayden was two months old he was sleeping all the way through the night(usually 10:30-9:00 ish). I was blessed with a child who like his mommy loves to sleep. He would still nap plenty during the day and still get that full nights rest.

We did however have issues with where he slept when he was born. Before he was born it was decided that he would sleep in a bassinet in our room until he out grew it and we moved out of our apartment(which was a month later) well up until he was a few weeks old he refused to sleep in it, where ever it was. He would be asleep and then we went to put him in it and BAM 10 minutes later he was up. So usually he slept snuggled up in our arms while we sat in the recliner or laid on the couch.

Then mom came to help me out and we learned that he just did not like to lay flat. So, and I may or may not get flamed for this but oh well, he slept propped up all swaddled up on his Boppy pillow. He still wasn't in the bassinet but he had moved to our gigantic couch and he never moved when he slept anyways. So about a week or two after that we tried the Boppy in the bassinet and he finally slept in it. We moved it out to the living room because that was were I slept still at the time and Brad had gone back to work .

He slept in the bassinet until he was about 3 months old and since at that time we were living with Brad's mother he moved to sleeping in the Pack N Play. Up until a month ago, in our own house even, he slept there. It was when he learned to stand up that we decided that a crib was a MUST!

So he got his "big boy" bed.

He still sleeps through the night and to help lull him farther into sleep we use white noise(soft classical music in our case) . He is a belly sleeper and he won't really have it any other way, atleast at my house.

With Aslynn on the way we are trying to get the nerve to do the whole self-sleep thing. I'm a little tougher on him than Brad-he'll let him cry for maybe 15 minutes. Even if it is a dull nothing is wrong cry.

Saying that, yes, we still to this day snuggle with him until he falls asleep. Up until this week he has wanted to be rocked to sleep with his bottle. Well this week he decided that he was "too big" for that and he just wanted to snuggle, and maybe have a few slurps of a bottle.

I think with Aslynn we may try another route I'm not too entirely sure. I've got another month ;)

Five on Friday

1) Why do men think that when they get sick that they are going to die and therefore are incapable of doing ANYTHING other than moping around? Heaven forbid they have to get up and assist with something.

2) Brayden is well on his way to walking. Yesterday, and I rather enjoy that Brad didn't get to see, but he took a whopping 4 whole steps by himself! He has yet to recreate that moment but that is perfectly fine with me. Hes still my little boy and he doesn't need to grow up this fast.

3) Ive started my ritual of sleeping on the couch yet again. Its the only place that I can get comfy and have my 4 million pillows :) When I was pregnant with Brayden I slept there for all of May, June and the beginning of July.

4) I'm a slacker mommy and have just started thinking about Brayden's upcoming 1st birthday. Yea, that is all I'm going to say about that.

5) I pray everyday that I am given the ability to snap my fingers and make everything better. They have yet to be answered but I think maybe I'll get through one day. I just wish that things were different. I wish that on so many levels for so many different people and not just me.